Its been a year since we’ve stopped talking. That was it. A gradual termination of communication. No fiery confrontations. No personal digs. No wild jerking of our heads in disbelief. Nothing. But I’d have liked for you to give me your resentment, and not your silence.
There was a dialogue in one of my favourite TV shows Desperate Housewives that I have subconsciously locked in my brain’s compartment of ‘Random Quotes and Trivia’ It goes something like this –
“You hate me. Which means there’s still hope. Unlike indifference. That would mean I ceased to exist for you… ”
I wish there was some form of exchange between us before we decided to let go. Maybe my existence was just a haiku in your glorious anthology of friends and companions. And that’s fine by me. It doesn’t hurt as much as your eyes which seem to look past me, as if I’m a walking apparition that doesn’t merit even a slight acknowledgement- a little nod of your head, a barely-there smile or even your disgruntlement. All I get is a nervous twitch, and shuffled steps. Don’t you think 5 years of friendship deserved a better closure?
I’ve always been honest about my feelings, in general. I don’t see the point in disguising, or negating your feelings for an objective. Yesterday I came across a cluster of Hibiscus flowers and they reminded me of the biology practicals we endured together. Even a squirrel makes my stupid head reminisce about the days when we’d hide in bushes and watch them hide acorns. But I must say it feels odd not to have your text messages blast away my mobile, or to not see you chasing after the neighbourhood cats, or to hear your name and feel an eerie cold set in quietly.
I haven’t shredded our letters and cards. I keep them as a reminder of What Has Been and not What Isn’t Anymore. If you wanted to use my poem to see your name in the school magazine, you could have just asked, you know? Plagiarism is hard to digest. And your incessant lies, even more so. But I’m past that. I didn’t take the “High Road” as they call it, you simply chose to descend further and further.
See you on the other side, maybe?
With all the love in the world,