Leaving a mark

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“We are like a bunch of dogs squirting on fire hydrants. We poison the groundwater with our toxic piss, marking everything MINE in a ridiculous attempt to survive our deaths.”
“I want to leave a mark.”

I’m scared that my life won’t matter
That I am just another desirable/undesirable outcome of human procreation
That I am just another mortal agent for cosmic recreation
A fatalistic game of odds
That I,
I am just another planetary particle in the whole scheme of things
I’m scared my life won’t matter the moment my skin turns cold
And that last poetic smoke of my ashes would be anything but poetic
Or worth writing home about

We humans have this insatiable need to matter
To ourselves
To others
To everyone in our sight
And then we discreetly believe ourselves to be the pallbearers of reasoning and logic
We desperately seek voices, no matter how faint
To say that we are more
And even if we aren’t, we will be

I have been told time and again that,
we aren’t more. And no, we won’t be more anytime soon
Maybe it is true after all,
Not all of us get to be ballads and lores,
Or magnificent busts in quaint homes
for our progeny to revere
Not all of us change the world even a bit,
fighting all our lives to deny that we are despicable encumbrances on the world instead

We tend to be motivated hoarders of memories,
Making an inventory of moments that could eternalize our little lives
And I say little because we are little dew drops sliding off grass blades,
We are accidental ripples that were never meant to be,
The kind which are created when a listless man runs his hand in a lake, unaware of the ramifications
A simple ripple
Created. Sustained. Deadened.

But I’m a ripple that wishes to outlast the forces that created
Sustained
And deadened it.

– A

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14 thoughts on “Leaving a mark

  1. We all do want to matter in some way, right? I think it’s because we don’t know for sure what’s next after taking our last breath so we put so much into doing something substantial while we can. It can be selfish, filled with hubris, noble and selfless, etc.

    I think it can be them all simultaneously.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. We endeavour to matter even though we’ll just be cosmic waste. “A speck of dust within the Galaxy”, these lines in Lost Stars always make me think so. But that’s the beauty of this right? Trying to matter, perfectly aware of the outcome. Some people call it denial. I call it perseverance.

      Liked by 1 person

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